Monday Mom Day

It was sometime in 2015, seeing signs of changes in Mom's abilities, Monika and I decided to set Monday mornings aside to pop in on her. Mom was delighted, of course! She had the table set in pretty dishes with home made sweets and fruit salad in dainty tea cups, waiting when we walked in the door. I had no idea how fleeting these days would be; bitter sweet tears welling in my eyes now as Mondays have evolved to times where we just tackle the most obvious thing that needs doing. Coffee and sweets forgotten. Sometimes we both go, sometimes just one of us goes, but Mom does not recognize time any more, so when we both can't make it she does not even know. 

Let me share with you the gist of what I wrote last week ...

When I got there, she was mixing batter for pancakes to feed "the kids" (pictures on the fridge). I looked at Abe and he just looked at me, tired of this scenario.  Because this was becoming a problem, I decided it was time to remove the fifty or so family photos, mostly children, that were smiling at her every day. In a way it made me sad to think I was removing the memory of them, but I'm not sure anymore if that is how it goes. Before I got there she and I had planned that we would bake buns so, if I was expecting anything it would have had to do with starting to get those ingredients out, but this is my new mom. I went ahead and found everything I needed. When I started putting pans of buns into the oven, Abe left to get groceries, so I stayed until he was back. 

Being in mom's kitchen gives me a chance to tidy up the most oddly cluttered counter and fridge. It's hard for her to remember how and where and for how long to store food. While I cook I can clean up and dispose without her really knowing. At least, so I thought, when suddenly on this Monday she wrapped her arms around me and thanked me. She said she loved cooking with me. I told her I'd help her as long as I could. It was a rare jewel of a moment where I felt I had her back. 

These days, when she has called, it has usually been out of frustration at her new reality. Of course, she does not know it's new. She thinks that anything strange she does, is something that she has always done and that we are the ones who are coming up with new concepts ... such as that pictures are not real people. In her mind they are "present" in her kitchen and she feels guilty for not being allowed to serve them. She feels sad that they have to sit there and watch her eat. And as we try to talk her through it, she feels shame when she gets the feeling that we think she's gone mad.

As I was writing about my day I realized how much Mom still feels. In the midst of her confusion, she apologizes for disappointing us.  She thanks us. She feels joy, pain, anger, shame and pride ... and it dawned on me that with all she is losing, feelings are not on the forgotten list. 

Thinking about this consoles and yet breaks my heart for her as I suddenly know how I don't want to make her feel. If I can use the time we have left to make her feel proud, joyful, needed and accepted for just who she is, even if she is not like who she was, maybe we'll be able to work things out on this path of learning, where every week can be different. 

This week she pulled out an old photo album and pointed out precious memories to me, page after page. 

Paper was paper. Memories were memories. She said I had made her day. She made mine.

T is for Tease and Teddy

We have a laundry chute that goes from my bedroom closet to the cupboard over the washer below and all of the kids love it when there are towels and such that they can throw down. But, there is one in particular who likes to leave her own insignia at random times for me to find after she is gone. I don't  think she has even put together that the big stuffy she chooses to throw down in secret is already a dead give-away as to who did it. Although the cubpoard is empty here, usually the Teddy lands on a pile of laundry - ready to escape when I open the cupboard doors, long after the kids have gone.
I can just imagine that this will be something she will still do when she is 16 - just to remind me that she was here!

More Happy Birthdays!

It is the beginning of March and because there will be a lot of hit and missing this month with families taking Spring Break in consecutive order, we decided to celebrate this month's birthdays early.  Once I had a theme it was fun to go with it. The pictures that I never took will remain in my mind's eye . . .  kids sipping their soda pop, taking out the straw and trying the taste straight out of the bottle . . . then putting the straw back in. They could hardly eat dinner, but the memory of making this novelty happen was worth it!

Landon will be starting baseball this Spring and so he was excited to get a few accessories for that.

I had a precious baby in my arms, and that's the excuse I'll use for blurry pictures, but I love Koen's expression here.

We are looking forward to cheering you on, Landon!

Loved the stunned expressions that came from Ben and Shaun when they opened their bags for each other. I guess there was no question of liking their gift if they bought each other the same thing.

We removed the sparkler from it's packaging and soon realized it was not a regular sparkler. I put the cake in as safe a place as I could think, someone lit it and we had our own fire works! Maybe it's intended for outside use, but I it was a hit!
Wishing a happy birthday to our young dads who play a significant role in their families. They are loved and appreciated! Also to Landon, whose tenderness and energy are everything you want in a growing boy.
Across the ocean, a precious girl (born on February 29) is also celebrating her ninth birthday! We miss you, Makenna and wish you a very happy year ahead!

A Few February Favorites

I believe I have somehow gotten around to posting once a week and it's not been hard to find something to write about because my life really is quite full and amazing. I thought that this week I would share some favorites, mostly from my phone . . . where I get a good look at what's been happening.

On one of the snow days, Natalie set up a classroom in our basement. I did not help with anything except to run some copies from some workbooks, and off they went. When I went down to check on them, this was the scene ... except that Koen had done his work and was quietly doing something on the ground. I asked him to get into his desk for the photo. I love how they find the folding tables and get creative.
A bit later in the morning I brought them each a snack and Miss Natalie took them away to be had at the proper time. She is strict.
I just had to document this once because it's something they love to do. It began with Tehya and after she left, her teacher position was taken by the next in line.

On another day I had the two-year-old cousins here and this is how they set up to color together. I wanted to move them apart, because it looked uncomfortable, but they were just fine.

One day I was invited to grandparents' day to spend an hour with Lacey in her classroom. This photo was sent to me by three different people who saw it on facebook ... where you won't find me.

For valentines I made a cherry berry pavlova with a ginger custard for our care group dessert.
Lovella brought a chocolate version. I wish I could have some right now.

One sunny Sunday afternoon we drove to Vancouver with friends and walked the seawall at Stanley Park. It was a beautiful taste of days to come.

And if I'd only shared one photo this week, this would have been the one! Kari sent it to me because he's wearing an outfit we gave him when he was born. Maybe it looks like a Grammy outfit, but I think he just looks so cool and calm and handsome. I can't stop looking at our sweet little guy who is growing ever so quickly.  

And that's it for now.

Thank you so much for visiting.

What pictures would you share today if you could?

In the Winter Season

As carefully as he descended those steps,
he still tumbled - the resulting hospital stay

distressing him more for her sake than his,

because he knew how much she needed him.

When we stayed with her she wondered why -

our help and presense a mystery in her blizzard.

Again and again, she went to look for him

thinking that surely he had come home.

And when he finally did,

she became his physical strength to hold on to

 and he resumed his place as her mental help.

Together they could face life and go on.

But what we saw, soon was clear, 

that while his broken hip would mend,
the disorder in her mind would not -
giving her illusions we could not try to sort.

Another turn on this path that deceives her

into thinking pictures on the fridge can see,
that maybe she can invite them for soup -

and why is he telling her they can't?

She sets out well worn recipes to bake,
yet can't remember what they look like,
instructions eluding her understanding.
And when she silently rises in the night
hoping to get a start on a meal,
he follows to help her through this fog
 that refuses to define time or reason.
Why does it matter, what time it is?
Her eyes give evidence of  the storm
of questions trying and tiring her to no end.

We just want to hug her and cry.
How true what a wise man long ago said,
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.
So we grapple with one desire and prayer
for the beauty of her innocent inner being.
Lord, let her faith in You remain.
May her songs never stop.
Encourage her tender soul day by day
never to let go of the hope she has in You
until she receives the reward she has earned.

Snow Day

It began to snow on Friday, February 3rd

and kept coming down most of the weekend.

The last time I remember getting so much snow is in 2008, 

when I had just began to blog, and it was great to have a place to check back to!

By Sunday evening, I knew there were going to be school closures 

so I began to formulate a plan to make the most of the inevitable.

I invited just the school kids . . . a little tricky when there are two-year-olds 

who may get wind of what they are missing out on . . . but somehow it worked.

It did not take long to figure out that the piled up 

snow heaps from shoveling, were the best for making caves.

or tunnels.

While I flipped a tripple recipe of crepes, they laughed at Mr. Bean.

And after lunch, we headed out to the hill on the school playground.

Natalie and Lacey made one dash to the slope . . .

I heard them screaming all the way down.

Landon made the most of it as well

 while I was laughing at Teddy and Koen

trying to make their way to the teeter-totters

nearly burried in the snow.

It took some coaxing to get everyone marching back

when Kristal came by with the car, looking for her kids.

That is when she decided to take this photo.

I hope we were able to make it a day to remember!