Perceptions

One of the most satisfying elements of blogging has been to find a way to express my feelings about things I see around me. It has given me more reason to make the moments count, to find good in the mundane average day to day things and to appreciate the blessings that have been poured out on me.

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I love the fact that someday my grandchildren may look at the things we did and see my perspective on them as they were growing up. In these pages they will find some history, some things to laugh at, things I enjoy and more about my faith.
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For the reasons above, I could make it a private blog. However, I also have had reasons to keep it public. When I meet readers who tell me that they are encouraged by my posts, I feel blessed to be able to do that. I also feel a sense of unworthiness to be paid such a compliment, because I’m just a normal person who happens to have time to write.

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This brings me to that nagging question brought on by a recent comment. I feel somewhat like Anne of Green Gables in the scene where she has to apologize to Marilla after Marilla has said some nasty things to her. I wonder . . . how does a person judge someone by having seen them somewhere and then, on that basis, disclaim everything she has written for the past two years? I guess it can happen.

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I’ve looked in the mirror. What do I look like? It's just plain old me . . . getting older. My eyelids are starting to give me a serene look. I have a long nose - always wished for a cute one. Does my haircut make me look snobby? Would I look more approachable if I wore a messy ponytail? What is it that makes a person look like a “Yes” person or a “No” person . . . someone you can easily approach and work with . . . or someone who is difficult to know or get along with. How do I look to people who only see me and never interact with me?
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Maybe blogging has been a way for me to seem more outgoing. It’s a place where it does not matter if I can’t immediately find the right words, a place where I can delete and restate what I really want to say, without stumbling over my words. It’s a way of public speaking without having to get up in front.
Having said that, I easily forget that is exactly what I am doing and people are watching me. They may pass me in the grocery isle or in a church and see a woman who is oblivious to them, because I don’t even know that they know something about me.
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And so I have set myself up. I have a choice to make and I will choose to grow by it. I’m not a tough duck - letting the water slide over my wings type of gal, who will shove this kind of comment under the rug. I want to learn to put on a “yes” face for people I do not know and not allow my insecurities to come across as not having the time of day for them.

I will continue to be real in my posts without dwelling on the negative and bringing up trash. My wish is to speak of things that edify and shine a light on the path before us. May God help us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and especially slow to judge.