I have long stopped trying to fix or correct my mom. The days of feeling like, surely I can help her remember, I can help her by organizing her, she knows these things, she only needs reminding, are not feelings I fight any more and it's a good thing, because it only frustrated both of us.
As time went on, we saw a lot of funny things happening. Repeated discussions about the lady in the mirror, the people on the wall who had moved into her apartment, the outfits she put together and what food belonged in the fridge. Scenarios that made me laugh and made me cry. Mostly they made me sad.
So where are we today? We enjoy the small things. Such as when she holds fast to my hand, when she communicates something, when she sings along with a song, when looks at me in recognition or shows excitement in any way.
It can happen that I can go from feeding Jack, enjoying his smirks and antics, to getting in the car to feed my mom in the home, and I can't help but contemplate the reversal of roles. To recognize that there was a time when she fed me. She talked to me and made me smile even when she could not understand my gibberish. She cared for me with utmost love, even if she got nothing in return.
So now it is my turn. I stare at her as I put the spoon to her mouth. Sometimes I study her features, so familiar to me, willing her old self to shine through, not wanting to forget. And then I remember what a good mom she has been to me. It puts perspective to everything a season. And, in a strange way, I appreciating what I had even more. I'm realizing how blessed I've been and that it is a blessing to serve her.
10 comments:
I find such encouragement in your posts about your mom. They always seem to pop up just when I'm feeling hopeless about my own mom. Thank you, Anneliese, for sharing. This may sound odd, but through her circumstances, and the sadness they bring for those who love her, she is still affecting the lives of others (at least my life) in a positive and helpful way.
Dear Vicky, this morning as I was looking at comments in an older post, I saw yours and prayed for you with your mom. I do not know your circumstances, but I also am encouraged by those on the same path. Frustration and sadness are part of it, but like you say, there are things to learn about ourselves during this time, which hopefully are for our good. My heart goes out to you.
Your love for your mom and hers for you are still so beautiful. Time, age, state of mind - they do not seem to affect it. You are truly blessed and by sharing you give me perspective to love my parents through the tough times and the good times. I see my parents frailty and have been longing for them to experience the strength, independence and joyfulness of their younger selves. Now it is time to lay that to rest and bless them as they are in this season of their lives. Thank you for sharing so freely and willingly.
Thank you, Sheila! I appreciate what you shared. God bless.
A touching and beautiful post, Anneliese...an encouragement to all of us to honour and bless our elderly parents.
I always come away with something to think about when I read your posts about your mom. I just spent a couple of nights with my parents while at a teacher's conference in your town. They are doing well, but I see the changes brought about by aging. I'm realizing that it's important to acknowledge where they are in life, and be thankful for each moment I can spend with them, for time is fleeting. Acceptance is key, and grace.
Anneliese... You are a blessing to many.
As I read this it maid me cry as it was just a year ago our mom passed away, we faced a lot of the same things you are facing now, It was so sad but it was an honour and a blessing to be there for her as she was always there for us,
thank you for sharing,
love, laura
Laura, my heart goes out to you. May God comfort you in your loss.
It is good to be able to share our hard things and to be encouraged that we are not alone. Thank you.
Your tender loving care for your mom is so beautiful.
Post a Comment