She is frustrated with her old notebooks of recipes,
some re-written into new ones -
some re-written into new ones -
a project she began before she knew she was getting forgetful.
With pages falling out of order and recipes not where they used to be,
she calls me, because she can't find what she's looking for.
It can be even more complicated when the name eludes her.
With pages falling out of order and recipes not where they used to be,
she calls me, because she can't find what she's looking for.
It can be even more complicated when the name eludes her.
.
I've never paid much attention to her notebooks,
but for some reason, on this particular day,
I got out my phone
because . . . even these old recipes tell a story.
Pages of instructions carefully written out.
Love poured out to serve through these . . .
the muffins, cookies, fancy pastries and soups . . .
a wealth of unwritten knowledge attached to each.
As I talk to her about her life
I realize cooking has been a big part,
from being the eldest of eight kids, helping her mom,
to nanny days as a teen, to working in a hotel
to the MCC Kitchen in the city
and serving as a cook to a wealthy lady
while I was in diapers.
And then there are the years that I remember!
Oh the things she has exemplified and taught me!
No wonder she is frustrated.
I've cried tears for her . . . for me
slowly realizing the implications of what is happening.
Maybe I had this idea that losing your memory had to do with
forgetting facts, such as the name of your newest great-grandchild,
the doctor's appointment or garbage day.
But there is so much more about the intricacies of our memory and
how wonderfully we are made to do things without realizing how we do them.
The things we never write down.
The everyday routines.
How to cut up a cake, how to store it . . .
simple things we do not think we need a memory for
suddenly are realized as such.
Hours . . . days . . . weeks . . . months,
take on meaning in our minds as we grow.
They affect how we do life and plan -
yet slowly she is confined to a muddle of time undefined,
be it the clock or the calendar.
be it the clock or the calendar.
I've seen seniors in homes in that different world
when it does not seem to matter any more to them,
but I've never considered the process, the cost,
to loved ones and themselves,
of getting to that place.
to loved ones and themselves,
of getting to that place.
The good and the hard is that it still matters to her
and it's us who are confused or being irrational.
Maybe that is true.
What I know is that she has the recipe for a life well lived -
What I know is that she has the recipe for a life well lived -
a beautiful mind I wish to explore and treasure while I can.
15 comments:
I could weep over this. You and your mother are probably a year or so behind my mother and me. I urge you to spend the time, and to hold her hand and to hug her. The body has its own memory - or at least this is what I am coming to recognise. It is a hard time of life, as one loses a beloved parent a little at a time. There are supports - certainly the ones from your everyday life - but the Alzheimer's, Society is very good, and others who have been through or are going through the process can listen too. Please email whenever you like.
A big hug to you today. I didn't know your Mom very well, but I can hear her voice and laughter from many years ago. My best advice from walking with my mother and father-in-law thru this valley of dementia and Alzheimers is this: treasure your moments, live in "their present" whatever or wherever that may be. It's difficult watching and living thru this journey, but God is faithful and will give you the strength and wisdom needed for this time.
Hello Anneliese,
I enjoy reading your blog. What a lovely post today honoring your Mother. Cooking & preparing a wonderful meal for a family to eat seem to be a lost art these days. I often think of my dear Grandmother's hands & all the things she did with them. She never owned a dishwasher & she was a marvellous cook & homemaker. A memory from my childhood is just sitting at her table for breakfast or lunch. There would be a tablecloth on the table, usually a salad with grated carrot on top & for breakfast the toast was made & put in a little thing that held it at the table. Grandma used a juicer & would make carrot juice & other things long before it was fashionable. My Grandmother's homemaking skills & cooking helped my Grandfather live to be 103 & still in his own home. Thank you for your post about your Mother. Many blessings to you both!
PS Perhaps another cook book idea would be recipes from your Mom's tho some of those may already be in your cookbooks. A tribute to your Mom's
Sharon
Incredibly beautiful and true in every nuance Anneliese. These are the stories of your mother's life.
I have always valued stories. Where once I told them, I now want to hear them. It is comforting to know they are not really lost. Someone else has them.
xxx Sharon
So beautiful...and so sad...to hear you share of the journey you are now on with your mother. I know you treasure the time you spend with her...and all the memories you have made together. May God give you patience, strength and even joy...as you are there for her now. Thanks for sharing.
A beautiful, hard post, Anneliese. The recipe pages in your mother's hand are treasures, but even more, the memories you have. I ache with you. May God's love and grace be very present as you walk this difficult road with your beloved mom.
Such a beautiful post, but the sorrow is unavoidable. Thank you for bringing order to the chaotic thoughts many of us are unable to clarify as we share this same journey with our loved ones. The photos of the recipe pages are beautiful.
You are a wonderful daughter that won't just let your dear mom fade away. It's good that you and your mom know our savior and He will help and guide you both in this memory journey. Such a hard road for all of you...
Beautifully written and what a tribute to your beautiful mother....
what a beautiful post - so good to help keep these recipes/memories alive
My Mom's cookbooks looked the same! The favourites were more tattered and messy - but you knew they were the good ones! A wonderful tribute!
Anneliese, you are brave to be so honest about this situation, and many of your readers, strangers. May God give you comfort and peace as you, your mom, and family negotiate this season of life. 'Dairymary'
Beautifully written, Anneliese. You have captured the heart of the battle in her mind. The thing I have enjoyed in this time, are the stories I am hearing. Things from her childhood that are so clear in her mind, as if they just happened last year.
Thank you for sharing Anneliese - Your mom is beautiful in every way and there is even beauty in the sadness of things changing. Your discovery of previously unknown parts of her life, the increased love and appreciation of her, her dependence on you and the compassion that you receive from others. Now that my Dad's health is also compromised, I am more able to empathize with those traveling a harder journey than I have had to this far. Blessings to you and your dear mom.
This post was so thoughtfully written and so near to my heart. I have watched and continue to watch this process in those special in my life. I am just now, clearing out the many notebooks of my dear Mother's collection. She too, was the oldest of eight children. She served so many meals over her lifetime too. I could relate to your words here. Your words and perceptions will touch so many hearts of those who visit here. Made me sad, and yet thankful at the same time. I am so happy that she has you in her life. Your words are filled with tenderness and compassion!
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