Mom's New Home

It's been at least a year of trying to figure out how the system works and what one needs to do to get a parent into a care home. Our health care system lives by the motto that "home is best," which sounds good in theory and works well for those who are able to manage, at least for a short time, once basic needs have been cared for and they are not in danger of hurting themselves. I  fought with my own thoughts on this, so often. When I was not with her, I thought, yes it's okay, she and Abe can manage. But when I was with them, I could not imagine how. He was understandably tired. Having a care giver come in here and there, does not help the husband who has to be aware of his wife wandering at night or worse, falling and not being able to help her up.  

When a person loses their way in their own home, has forgotten how to get up when she falls, is not aware of her reality or her space, what she is doing or what she wanted to do, one begins to question that motto. My first inclination to move mom came about when she was frustrated about not being able to manage taking care of food or making a meal. I was told that you cannot move a person because the kitchen frustrates them. I did not know how to explain that the space that has been her happy place has turned into a place of torment, because things burn, things rot and spoil and she does not know why. When we explained why these things were happening, she felt belittled. I could tell she felt like a failure. Her feelings and what she wanted to do were there even while her mental capabilities failed her. Her self esteem was shaved off bit by bit.

So, the day that we were able to move Mom into a care home, really was a day of relief. As much as it was emotionally difficult, we were also very thankful to know that now she would get professional care around the clock. 

Monika and I took her in with a bag of clothing and minimal toiletries. I felt like I was sending mom off to camp. She was not sad or scared. She was totally accepting of going with us and settling into a new room.  We explained as much as we thought she could maybe understand, and she just smiled and said it was okay. It seemed like she was feeling "freed up" of responsibilities. Going on a vacation.

A nurse dropped off a walker and we practiced walking with her. At first it looked like she would not be able to steer it, but by the next day, she did fine and was quite proud of herself. 

Abe came by a bit later. It was time for lunch and, because it was her first meal there, someone decided to bring an extra tray for him. There was a flu going around, so we all had to wear masks in certain areas and mom and Abe were given a private area to eat their meal. I love how she is laughing in this photo. 

 As I write this, five days later, I am still in awe of how accepting mom has been of her move. She has not complained about anything, not once.

The day after her move I was eager to see her and as I walked past the nurses' station, I noticed some patients dozing there, where an eye could be kept on them. Have you ever noticed this? It looks like a time out place. Anyways, I was just going to turn down the hall, when I looked once more and, there she was! She was one of them! Already!

I woke her and asked her how her night had been. She said it was good. She does not initiate conversation easily, so it is mostly about asking her questions that she will answer however she likes, true or not. I asked her if she'd missed Abe and she said, "He's around." I asked her who had dressed her and she said she had dressed herself! Even though it was not true, she was positive! When I complimented her on her walking, she showed off a bit. It was cute.

Mom's attitude has blessed me this week as I've gone through many of her belongings, little notes here and there, precious scripture, unsent cards beautifully written, envelopes she prepared and forgot about or lost the cards for and reminder notes. Her heart was to give unselfishly of herself as she trusted in the goodness of God and of people. The beauty she practiced in life continues to shine as she accepts the care of strangers.  God's grace is enough for her, even now.