Looking Back and Moving Ahead

We moved my Mom from a rather large townhouse into an apartment this past weekend. Packing up dishes that she brought from Brazil 42 years ago,

and dishes Dad collected for her at the gas station . . . (was it a certain number of fill ups that gave you a place setting?) . . . my sister pointed out the fact these are washable.

In the mix was second hand furniture my parents bought at that time, tablecloths that date back to the wedding, a very old unfinished patchwork quilt made from real scraps, large framed wedding pictures, photo albums of cute grandchildren now grown, deep-freezers, now emptied, never to be filled with Mom’s baking again and way too many disposable containers. There were items to be taken to good will, items to be sold and some to be kept.

It's great to see how much can be done when the family comes together. Her smaller space was painted, some new things were purchased and some old and things were moved in to make it her home – her first home alone.

It turned out that on the day of the actual move I did not even step foot in the old place since I was at the new one, directing, cleaning and unpacking. I fought the urge to go back just once more to the old place. After all, it was the last place my parents lived in together.

As I pondered the need to say goodbye, I came to the conclusion to just let it be. In my heart, I think that this is what Mom would feel about this place where the harsh realities of life hit her like never before. I would say it had a room where her knees knew the feel of the carpet as she wept aloud over a child’s broken marriage - while she, herself was learning what it means to stick together in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. A home where she faithfully catered to my dad’s failing health, the marks on the walls or baseboards bearing witness to bumps from the walker and later the wheelchair, passing away ten years after his paralyzing stroke.

My Mom will begin anew, while I’m observing and taking notes. I sat at the table that my sister set for us last night and so appreciated her gift of hospitality after a difficult and busy week. I also thought about the beautiful meal prepared for us by friends just before this crazy week began, when we sat out late into the evening in the Arabian tent enjoying lemon meringue pie and talking. These are the things that matter, the things I appreciated this week – relationships, people taking time to use the gifts they’ve been given, encouraging one another and living for what will count in the end.